Heartstopper, Series 1, Episode 7: “Bully”

“People shouldn’t be saying stuff about you in the first place. You shouldn’t have to put up with anything like that. I don’t even want to be friends with those people anymore. I’m tired of all of them.”

In episode six, we saw how our main characters provide us with remarkable examples of beacons of hope with hearts of gold, bright glittering stars outshining worlds of terror, and it seemed as if nothing could stamp out those infinite lights of happiness, friendship, and love, the episode concluding with unshakable hope and optimism, Nick sitting down to enjoy an orchestra concert with his friends, the orchestra literally lit by three spotlights, one each for the beacons of hope playing in the orchestra: Darcy, Tara, and Charlie. Yet, back in episode four, I wrote that sometimes a story concludes on a note of deeply troubling uncertainty, presenting a world where sometimes bullies win, stamping out the bright, shining stars of our heroes, suspending the ongoing, difficult work towards a better future, where the days of tomorrow may be darker than the days of today.

Sadly, it is in episode seven where so much seems to go wrong for our heroes, and we distressingly have to watch an episode where the bullies unequivocally win. But through all the heartache of seeing our cast of golden heroes being outmatched by the bullies, we begin to learn that the two conflicts of the series—Nick’s conflict of being true to himself and Tao’s conflict of resisting a changed friend group—are both informed by a singular cause: the bullies themselves. If the bullies didn’t exist, then Nick and Tao’s conflicts wouldn’t exist. But bullies do exist, and they stretch the limits of love and friendship to a breaking point in episode seven, causing terrible rifts in the close relationships we’ve grown to love over the previous six episodes. But in the face of this gross adversary, our heroes will learn that the loneliness of hiding from the bullies is just as bad as the bullies themselves. The hard work must go on, even when the challenges seem impossibly insurmountable. And sometimes great lengths are required to outshine those worlds of terror.

The episode opens with Charlie nervously checking his hair, something he’s consistently done in the previous six episodes whenever he’s about to see or hang out with Nick, and for a brief moment, this visual cue seems to suggest Charlie and Nick might just be going out on a date, both having agreed that that’s something they should do someday since they enjoyed their triple date with Tao, Elle, Tara, and Darcy so much in episode six. Soon Charlie’s sister, Tori, appears in her characteristic fashion, suddenly and unexpectedly, surprising Charlie. I remarked back in episode one that this is Tori’s running gag, suddenly appearing in the corner, large drink held in both hands, surprising Charlie, and it’s still so consistently sweet in episode seven as it was when it happened the first time in episode one. “Older sister magic,” she comments when Charlie wonders how she’s able to appear out of nowhere. We’ll see more of that older sister magic next episode, albeit in a more sensitively touching manner than the comedic way we see here; and it’s a moment that will confirm, without a doubt, how close Tori and Charlie’s brother/sister relationship is.

Charlie eventually reveals to Tori that he and Nick are going out and that he’s getting ready not for a date but for a movie night at the cinema with Nick’s friends. While Tori is happy that he and Nick are together, (“Called it. I’m happy for you,” she remarks), she knows Nick’s friends from parties and remarks that they don’t seem as nice compared to Nick. It’s the first comment this episode that’s foreshadowing horrible events to come, and while what is about to come is horrible, we are still provided with those clever visual cues this show is so adept at: Charlie’s room is lit brightly in those sunshiny hues that we’ve come to associate with comfort and warmth. It at once helps us to understand how warm and comforting Tori and Charlie’s relationship is, but also that despite the hardships that the bullies cause that we’ll see this episode, there will still always be bright, glittering stars outshining worlds of terror championing a future world where things will get better.

But we also are forewarned that the night at the cinema may not go as magically as Charlie would like when Charlie’s dad cautions him when he drops him off, “If any of those boys says anything, does anything nasty, you just call me, okay?” Charlie still seems undeterred, remarking that he’ll be fine since Nick is there, but the look of worry on his dad’s face is still so sad to see, not only because of how the episode will reveal how nasty the bullies really can be, but also because his dad saw how hurt Charlie was back in episode three, breaking down in tears in the car, his dad hugging him closely and comforting him, “It’s okay, I’ve got you, everything’s going to be okay.” We only have these few scenes with Charlie’s dad in all eight of these initial episodes, and they are more examples of how adept this show is with providing so much with so little, presenting a loving father/son relationship in brief scenes worth so many words. And while we only hear Charlie’s dad speak a handful of lines, it’s still more than enough for us to appreciate how much he loves his son.

Nick eventually greets Charlie with a warm hug in the car park before they enter the cinema, and as they make their way down the escalator, Nick reassures Charlie by telling him that he’ll be fine with his friends since Ben and Harry aren’t coming. But we soon see that Ben and Harry have come, the screen cuts to the title screen, “Bully,” and the image shatters, a broken window, the cautiously optimistic music of Adiescar Chase suddenly truncated at the sound of cracked glass, forewarning us that things aren’t going to go the way any of us want, the looks on Charlie and Nick’s faces of profound worry and sadness telling us so much with so little.

And it continues to get worse, and Nick knows it, as Ben has the audacity to remark loudly enough for everyone to hear that he’s never spoken to Charlie. So Nick takes Charlie to the popcorn stand to try to put him at ease, but Charlie says he’s not very hungry. The look of worry on Charlie’s face is so, so heartbreaking, and this show is again reflecting realty in a really meaningful way, shining a murky, grey light on the very real pains we queers feel when the bullies disrupt our lives. But Nick’s bright, glittering, golden light of hope burns infinitely and brightly, and we’re treated to one of those moments that I promised would come every episode, a moment that persistently champions a promise of a hopeful future where things will get better, providing a vision for the way things ought to be.

In this case, it’s our star rugby lad, who’s already fallen for the gay nerd, championing the lonely, powerless outcast, as we saw him do in episode three at Harry’s party when he called out Harry’s homophobic comments. Nick takes Charlie gently by his forearm, Charlie brightening up a bit with a delicate smile, the hopelessly optimistic music of Adiescar Chase igniting a tender moment as soon as Nick takes Charlie by the arm, and Nick says, “Char, are you okay? I honestly had no idea they’d be here. I wouldn’t’ve suggested we’d come otherwise.” And Charlie just has his breath taken away by Nick’s sensitivity, being called Char, the first time we hear him call Charlie this endearing name, and Charlie remarks, “Oh my god! Say it again! Go on! I like it! It’s cute!” Such a touching moment during an episode filled with too many challenges for our heroes to handle.

And then later when we see Nick and Charlie sitting next to each other in the cinema, Nick continues to provide that beacon of light and hope to Charlie, taking him delicately by his hand, animations of sparks and stars igniting between them. But instead of golden and bright animations that we saw in episodes two and three during similar moments of physical contact between Nick and Charlie’s hands, these animations are colored blue, the color we’ve come to associate with conflicts and lies. The color of these tiny animations not only foreshadows large, dark clouds on the very near horizon, but also the secret that Nick is still asking Charlie to keep. And as we saw last episode when Charlie remarked, “If people guessed we were together, if they started saying stuff about you, then I really don’t want you to have to deal with that,” it’s clear how important it is to Charlie to keep things a secret in order to make sure Nick doesn’t get hurt. And in a moment, we’ll see how far Charlie is able to take that secret.

Things quickly go terribly wrong when the movie is over. While Nick and Charlie get to share some fun banter about how scary the film was, Harry quickly interrupts this and starts humiliating Charlie with a bunch of questions, “What’s it like being gay? Do you like musicals? What about Nick? Do you think he’s hot?” And we then see how far Charlie honors Nick’s desire to keep everything a secret: “Are you joking? Nick’s not even my type.” When Charlie finds the will in this moment to express something so untrue, the heightened looks on Charlie and Nick’s faces of profound worry is more heartbreaking than Harry’s bullying. Nick now sees how far Charlie is willing to lie for him, and we see the strength Charlie has to conjure the lies. But it gets worse when later on, Ben corners Charlie in the car park, who demands to know if he’s going out with Nick, having seen both of them hold hands in the cinema, and Charlie—nearly on the verge of tears—denies that anything is happening. “Don’t lie!” Ben commands, but Charlie will lie for Nick in order to protect them both, and it is so hard to witness the terrible conflict that Nick and Charlie find themselves both in because of Nick’s inability to yet be fully out of the closet.

While there have been so many moments in this series that filled me with such incredible happiness that I didn’t have enough room in my heart to keep it all to myself, these scenes at the cinema are the first time that I’ve become filled with so much profound sadness that I don’t have enough room in my heart to keep it locked away. But we’ve seen this series deal with hard moments like this before, and it still remains so important and so meaningful that this show addresses these very real conflicts with such a delicate sensitivity to the very real reality the effects these challenges have on us queers. And this remains a necessary story to tell in order to provide a real reflection of the pains we queers feel as we figure out who we are.

And the pain Nick was feeling as he saw Charlie lie for him in front of all the rugby lads was too much, so he corners them all after Charlie has left the cinema. “Go on then, what’s your problem with Charlie?” he demands to know of Harry, and in another moment that allows Nick’s bright, shining beacon of hope to glitter intensely, he calls out all of Harry’s homophobia in front of all the rugby lads: “Just shut up, Harry! You made him so uncomfortable with your gay questions. You saw the perfect opportunity to make someone feel miserable and humiliated.” But Harry has none of it, calling Charlie a pathetic, little fag. Nick has no choice but to punch Harry, the whole encounter escalating into a terrible, terrible brawl. And while all of this is so distressing to watch, it is so important to see Nick’s frustration expressed in such a raw and bloody way, as it shows us all how important Charlie is to Nick, standing up to the bullies for Charlie.

Even Nick’s mum comments on that very fact when she’s driving him home afterwards, Nick revealing to her that Harry used a really bad word, which ultimately pushed the whole fight over the edge. And Olivia Colman, in her infinitely attuned attention to subtle sensitivity in her performance, remarks, “I see. Charlie’s a really special friend, isn’t he?” But before she knew all the details about why Nick felt he needed to brawl with Harry, she comments, “Sweetheart, fighting’s not the answer.” But sometimes I wonder if it is the answer, Nick’s mum herself also understanding more about the need for fists after someone crosses a line too far with a nasty word. Additionally, last episode when Darcy was comforting Tara about all the mean things their classmates were saying about them, Darcy sweetly says she has cheese she can throw at them, remarking, “It always pays to be prepared with anti-homophobia cheese.” And while this moment of levity was so sweet as the show addressed bullying in a different way, and in the same way Nick’s mum understands more about what prompted Nick’s fight with Harry, sometimes I don’t think anti-homophobia cheese is enough to stamp out the bullies, that sometimes fists are required for our bright glittering stars to outshine worlds of terror. But I also don’t really know for sure if that really is the answer. What do you think?

The next morning when Charlie is walking past the school gate, he sees that Harry’s lip is busted up, and so Charlie quickly finds Nick in form, sees his bruised eye, and worriedly asks, “What happened?” When Charlie learns the details of the fight, he responds, “Nick, you didn’t have to do that. I promise, I’m used to people saying stuff about me.” This isn’t the first time Charlie has said this, having already remarked similarly the previous night to Nick. Harry, likewise, had also commented to Nick that Charlie’s probably used to the bullying by now. Additionally, Ben had remarked that Charlie lets bullies walk all over him, and Tao later in this episode will comment to Elle that Charlie can’t stick up for himself.

And this is why we need those bright shining stars like Nick and Tao who are able to stand up to the bullies, because not all of us can. When Charlie comments to Nick that he’s used to putting up with the bullying, Nick shoots back, “You shouldn’t have to be. People shouldn’t be saying stuff about you in the first place. You shouldn’t have to put up with anything like that.” And Nick, after hearing Charlie apologizing for things that are out of his control, demands that he not utter the “s-word,” recalling the moment back in episode one when Nick intervened on Ben’s unwanted, rapey advances towards Charlie. How much history that word now shares between Nick and Charlie, and what a reminder it is how far the two have come, from a most unlikely pairing of two young boys commencing an unexpected journey to a strongly forged relationship between two young men who couldn’t seem more opposite to the other but who complement each other beautifully.

This scene ends in such a touching moment, the classroom brightly lit in those sunshiny hues we expect whenever we see Nick and Charlie in form together, reminding us of better days to come when those beacons of hope and optimism outshine worlds of terror. Nick finds it within himself to sweetly rest his head on Charlie’s shoulder, without a care in the world that others might see. It’s a small moment but a giant one that shows how far Nick has come out of the closet. He still has a few more steps to take, which will come to a triumphant celebration next episode, but in this moment we see what an amazing person Nick is, not that that was in any doubt before. But here we see his beacon of light on full display even in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds, a star rugby player championing and protecting our geeky, lanky, small, weak, lonely, powerless outcast who he loves so dearly and so compassionately.

But Charlie still struggles to reconcile his and Nick’s desire to be together at the expense of all the disruption their relationship has caused between Nick and all the rugby lads, even though Nick confided he’s tired of all of them and doesn’t want to be friends with them anymore. It’s clear this weighs heavily on Charlie’s mind as he struggles to find the right words to text him, the show characteristically using text messages to express Charlie’s inner frustrations: “I need to talk to you,” “I’m so sorry. It’s my fault you got into that fight,” “Are you sure you want us to be together?” before Charlie finally settles on and sends, “Can we meet for lunch tomorrow?” When they do meet for lunch, Charlie comes dangerously close to calling the whole relationship off and Nick can sense it coming too, but their conversation is interrupted by yet another horrible brawl, this time between Tao and Harry. And it’s at this moment where our two conflicts of the series—Nick’s coming out and Tao’s distrust of a changing friend group—directly converge upon Charlie, and it tragically breaks him as we’ll see next episode.

The brawl between Tao and Harry takes some time to escalate. Earlier in the episode, we get to witness a vulnerable moment between Tao and Elle as they have a conversation on a park bench. Tao reveals to Elle that maybe it wasn’t a good idea to stand up to Harry with his witty insults (dick nozzle and bellend and all that), only increasing the size of the targets on not only his back but Charlie’s as well. But Tao reveals that his desire to protect Charlie was borne out of how much he remembered how bad the bullying towards Charlie was the previous year, having previously way back in episode one remarked that Nick’s friends are exactly like the boys who bullied him. Elle then reveals to Tao that Charlie and Nick are together, commenting that she’s not surprised Nick started a fight with Harry because of how close they’ve become. It really deeply hurts Tao that Charlie was unable to tell him about Nick (“I feel so stupid,” he angrily exclaims), and he storms off.

Then later Elle comes over to Tao’s house to watch a film, and they share another sensitive moment together. Elle reveals that Charlie wants to tell him about Nick, and Tao comments that he thinks Charlie didn’t tell him about Nick because he might’ve been worried he’d accidentally say something to out Nick, adding that Charlie seems to care more for Nick’s feelings than his.

It’s so sad to see Tao feel so neglected like this, and it only gets worse the next day when Tao is having lunch alone (Isaac has library duty). And while Tao invites Charlie to lunch, he reveals that he’s having lunch with Nick, and Tao shoots back, “We’re barely friends anymore.” And then in that saddest and loneliest moment, Harry makes it even worse by bullying Tao, stealing a drawing he was working on for art class, and it’s here where Tao’s conflict to resist a changed friend group breaks and shatters, shoving Harry to the ground, splashing apple juice on his face, and exclaiming, “I hate you!” The brawl that develops between them is in many ways even more distressing to watch than the one between Nick and Harry earlier, all the other boys watching and cheering, the music of Lincoln’s “Smokey Eyes” blaring, intensifying this breaking point that I commented several times in previous posts would arrive right here in episode seven.

Nick and Charlie come running to the fight, Nick tears Harry off Tao before Harry is able to strike  a potentially nasty and ugly punch, and the whole friend group in this moment is broken and shattered just as the titles at the start of the episode predicted would happen. The limits of love and friendship have snapped. “Why didn’t you tell me about you and Nick? I thought we were friends, but you’ve forgotten about me! This is all your fault! Just leave me alone!” Tao angrily declares to Charlie, the blue color of the school building framed overwhelmingly in view behind Tao in the shot, adding to how much Tao’s conflict has stretched and broken.

And the full weight of Tao’s conflict and Nick’s conflict are now squarely placed heavily and torturously on Charlie’s back, and this is way too much for him to handle, especially when he already is inclined towards placing so much fault on himself for things out of his control.

Bullies do exist. And they are horrible and awful and terrible and cruel. And it remains important that we see that reality reflected so accurately in this episode. As without the bullies, Tao and Nick’s individual conflicts wouldn’t exist and wouldn’t converge upon Charlie in this nasty and gross moment.

How do bright shining beacons of hope have no choice but to confront these worlds of terror in equally violent ways? Is fighting really not the answer? I’m not sure I know the answers right now, but maybe someone else who is smarter than I am does.

As we’ll see in episode eight, however, we can at least immerse ourselves in an idealized world where we can aspire to create a future where things will get better, provide a vision for the way things ought to be, and model ourselves after fictional characters with brilliant hearts of gold, who—through all their disagreements, misunderstandings, and arguments—are able to acknowledge their faults, change their habits, express their love, and just be so terribly, genuinely, and thoughtfully friendly to each other. 

Final musings for episode 7:

1. I love the moment where Charlie comments that he’s worried Nick’s friends will think he’s a gay nerd, and Nick lovingly comments, “Well, you kind of are a gay nerd!” and Charlie shoots warmly back, “Shut up, rugby lad!”
2. Ben is so, so horrible when he corners Charlie in the car park: “As if anyone would ever want to go out with someone as desperate as you.” “You did,” Charlie says, and Ben continues firing more arrows, “Are you joking? You actually thought I liked you? You were there like some tragic loser with barely any friends, who ate lunch alone and let bullies walk over you.” This is another moment reflecting a tragic reality that is all too real and that leaves lasting marks. And my god, was high school horrible indeed…
3. I love the music that plays the morning after the night at the cinema as Nick and Tori ride the bus to school. It’s another tune by Beabadoobee, the same artist we heard in episode two when Nick and Charlie were playing in the snow, the tune in episode seven called “Tired.” And while at first the lyrics seem to foreshadow events between Nick and Charlie in episode eight, they rather more accurately seem to reflect how Nick feels about the rugby lads, “You haven’t been good for long. Maybe it’s time to say goodbye ‘cause I’m getting pretty tired.” The music is also just so expertly written and also so sensitively performed by singer Beatrice Laus.
4. When Elle comes over to Tao’s she brings some cookies and not biscuits. While we don’t really get to see exactly what the two enjoy, it’s possible that Elle really does mean cookies and isn’t dumbing the language down for Americans, as the British will use the term cookie to refer to the larger, sweeter, softer kind of baked good while biscuits are to be eaten with tea, sometimes also called—somewhat unappetizingly—digestives.